I then did not think about it again until I was in my mid teens. But I then started to think about it often. In part because the older I got, the more I was able to realize the anomalous nature of the experience.
By the time I was in my late teens, I had discovered marijuana. I have no doubt that one of the effects my usage of marijuana had upon me was to open my mind to all sorts of possibilities about so many things. It was not long before I considered the real possibility that "aliens" actually existed.
I was perhaps 19 years old when I discovered some very "out there" woo-woo books by some entity named Mark Age. Based on all my studies since this time, I would be very comfortable in labeling the Mark Age movement as a very real example of New Age types of organizations (uuuggghhh!). Anyways, Mark Age was heavily into "aliens" as part of the paradigm they generated via all their materials. In fact, if I recall correctly, Sananda (Jesus' real name according to the Mark Age folks) was watching over humanity while hovering around in Spaceship #10 (haha).
I once recall reading in their book, Visitors from other Planets about someone who was brought up into a ship where an object was placed in his left hand that gave him the power to heal. It was just after I had read this that I found myself in the midst of the strangest situation where a man was having a serious epileptic seizure. I was outside of the area he was confined to but I was able to watch several men run into his room where they tried to prevent the man from swallowing his tongue. What I will never, ever forget is what happened next. The man was facing in a 90 degree angle from where I was standing. As I watched I became terribly sad for this man. Suddenly I felt a swelling up of energy and a heavy dose of that experience when you get goosebumps all over. As my energy began to peak while transfixed on this man, the man suddenly froze then turned his head to his right where he looked straight at me. His eyes went wide with fear while locked onto mine and then he suddenly collapsed and the seizure was gone.
I was convinced that I had just played a role in a true, healing event. As a conduit, not as the source. But it was more than just healing... it was the casting out of something I believed had to have been "demonic" and I considered what I had read in that book with what happened to me when I was six years old. I then immediately had the thought... "I believe we have had enough healers/saviors that have become known over time... and the world is no better for it." I then recall saying to myself, If I do have this power, I am not exactly a good candidate for using it (because I knew I was morally and ethically compromised). I said this to myself because I already had a greater sense of myself in relation to what I had assessed as an ego which, if equipped with such powers, would become anything but good for others.
I recall when I was 20 years old that I told my father about the experience I had when I was six years old, told him what happened with the man that had the seizure and showed him the part in this book suggesting to him that maybe this is what happened to me and what that "gave me" as a power which I felt I should not have. Why I told my father about this was because I had a strong feeling my father would know very much what I was talking about. I recall he was also facing 90 degrees from me and I recall his reaction as I shared the whole story and then my thoughts. He was staring straight ahead. I sensed he had his own experiences of feeling like he had the power to heal. But then, I saw his head drop down, almost as if he lost the ability to hold it up. He didn't say a word. I was torn between two interpretations. The first interpretation was that he was worried I was simply crazy or had symptoms of schizophrenia or psychosis. But the other interpretation was that he knew all too well about this but that his experience with it turned out dark and that his conclusion was that this was a manipulation I (and himself) had experienced from something dark... something very dark... and his reaction was his sadness that his son was also subject to this same thing.
A year or two later, my father was dead from suicide. Over time I learned more about my father... that he had once told my mom that he thought he was Jesus Christ. He had also (posthumously) been diagnosed as either schizophrenic or bi-polar (or at least something similar to one or both). I also recall the phases I experienced later in my life where I also had entertained the possibility I was Jesus Christ. Well, at least one part of me played with that idea. Fortunately I never un-anchored at least one foot I always held firmly glued to the ground. I came close a few times, most recently when I went through my journey with Shane the Ruiner (2015). Though not without taking risks and experiencing a little trauma, that at least one foot always held firmly in place. Thankfully, I have moved well past all those theories and have a much different understanding now... a much healthier one. a much more realistic one.
Over the years I had shared this experience with those I felt might have come upon listening to the stories of others. Folks such as Stewart Swerdlow, Peter Moon, Eve Lorgen, many, many folks I met on the Project Avalon forum and the One Truth forum. Along the way I was told various different things but only twice did I ever experience someone telling me with clarity that "this is what happened and why" even though in one of these two cases, the way I was told was typical of the "teller" in that he always left a tiny wiggle room to get out of any trap he may have laid for himself in "suggesting" to someone "vulnerable" as to what it was very likely all about.
Again - the experience was short but profound. The mystery as to what happened has been with me ever since. Though I have now reached a peaceful place with regards to the event - a place of accepting that not only might I never actually know what went on and why but that I will likely never know, I do know for a fact the experience did occur unless there is the ability for a third party to plant inside my head something false such as this experience. I cannot rule that out. At the same time, my gut says it happened and it was very real. My memory is crystal clear about the event. My memory of the event, though it is possible that the event started while I was in a vivid dream state, is that I was awake at the moment of the first thing I remember and that as I experienced the experience I became highly excited (scared) until the moment that my mother may have interrupted the event by coming into my bedroom or that I blacked out only to come back to consciousness when my mother entered.
On April 26, 2012 I had mustered up the courage to post on the Project Avalon forum this event. At that time I thought perhaps it could be called "an abduction experience" though I was never taken anywhere that I could recall. My theory was that I did black out (as logic seems to suggest) and that maybe I was "taken" at that moment. But that is nothing but wild speculation and I place this possibility very low on the list of possibilities as to what that experience was all about.
OK - now for the experience...
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?44353-My-possible-abduction-experience
Here's the text just in case this thread is not visible for the reader.
My Possible abduction experience
I had recently turned 6 years old. It was in the fall of 1963 and I was lying in my bed. I found myself awake and staring straight up since I was lying on my back. It seemed like 1:00 AM or so in the dead of night. So as I came into consciousness I saw an amoeba shaped object floating above my head below the ceiling between a space of no more than 6 feet. It was moving like an amoeba does. It had the colors of fuchsia, orange and yellow but mostly the fuchsia color. As it swarmed above me I suddenly realized I was holding an object in my left hand. It was like an egg shaped object that my hand was closed around. All of this had taken place in perhaps 10 – 15 seconds - seeing the object floating above me and realizing I was holding this strange object in my hand.
As my mind began to realize the event was occurring (and I knew I wasn’t dreaming) I became afraid and tried to release the object in my hand. As I tried to open my hand, a force inside my hand from my wrist area all the way into my hand took over and fought my attempt to release the object. My hand grasped the object even tighter. It was at this moment I became completely consumed with terror.
Suddenly the next thing I knew, my mother entered the room like a mother does sometimes to check on her child. I am uncertain if I blacked out or if she came in as the event was occurring – my gut tells me I had blacked out and that she came in some time after the event had ended. Anyways, I immediately jumped out of my covers, sat on the side of my bed and then she came over and sat beside me. I was crying pretty hysterically and I tried to tell her what happened. She said over and over, “don’t worry it was just a dream,” even though I continually insisted it really happened. I recall being upset with her that she didn’t believe me. It truly was no dream, I well know the difference.
To this day I do not have a close relationship with my mother.
It was when I was 8 or 9 years old that I began to recall and dwell on this event but forgot about it again until I was in my late teens. Then I began to remember it again. I even told my father about it at that time. I recall that when I told my father, he was sitting on his bed and at the moment I told him about it he hung his head down and didn’t say a word. I believe my father had some clue about it but he would never say. He committed suicide when he was 44 years old (or was suicided) – I was 21 years old when this happened.
Edit: added 2020-08-13
I watched the following video -
And the reason I was compelled to watch it more than anything because this was Snake Pliskin!!!
So anyways, the video describes how Kurt Russell was the actual pilot (general aviation) who called in the Phoenix Lights incident (March 13, 1997). Near the end of the video, the "Cereal at Midnight" guy refers to a video where Kurt Russell explains the event in April of 2017 -
Why this is relevant is how Kurt Russell explains how he recalled the incident... over two years after! And that up until that time, he had never thought about it, as if it had been erased from his mind.
What he describes is exactly the same thing where the event I experienced when I was six years old suddenly appeared in my memory... and yet did so, so vividly. Because I was only 8 or 9 when I recalled the event, I didn't think much about the fact I hadn't ever thought about such a profound experience until then. That question only became intriguing to me years later in my life.
